If you aren’t from America you may not understand this, but there is a series of insurance commercials where a funny scene is played before the spokesman delivers his trademark tag line. I tried to imagine one that didn’t go so smoothly.
“But Mister, how did they get the skeletons out of the chair if the man and woman were there when the tree fell? If the tree was actually laying across them shouldn’t we see their skeletons?”
The tall, slender spokesman for the insurance company had been reticent when his producer floated the idea of inserting a child into the mix for their newest commercial. All the previous incarnations the adult in the commercial opposite the spokesperson never speaks.
“Every classic commercial, the ones people talk about forever has this cute kid in them,” his producer said waving his hands as if he was creating this artistic scene.
Now the reality was that his eight year old boy had some questions he wanted answered.
The spokesman looked at his producer who smiled broadly, knowing this was going to be golden.
“We know a thing or two because we’ve seen a thing or two,” the spokesman said, delivering his trademark line.
“But mister, you didn’t answer my question. I want to see the skeletons!”
Evan checked to make sure no one else was in ear shot before he begin to explain the need.
“Dude, I can’t find my ring. I think it may be in that,” Evan said pointing to the debris pile in front of the home they had nearly finished renovating.
“DUDE!” Chuck replied loudly.
“I KNOW!” Evan said.
“It was because of her?” Chuck asked.
Evan looked at him with an expression that confirmed his guilt.
“Dude, how long are you going to try to convince her you are single?”
“If I can’t find my ring I may not have to,” Evan groaned.
“Look, I get it. She comes out here every day in those overall shorts and her pony tail bouncing from that hat and the way she can handle any power tool, but man you are married. What would Cassie say?”
“If you help me find it we won’t have to find out, will we?”
This was the place, the one where his world changed forever. It was early on a Spring day that he crossed paths with an angel. An angel named Bella. This far removed from that encounter her reputation in his mind was flawless. He would even swear to seeing a bright light on her head making him think her an actual angel.
Bella was the youngest of a brood of six. Five older brothers, all six -footers worked the docks with their father Nunzio. None of them felt like Derrick was good enough for their baby sister. He was a musician for heaven’s sake! How could he give her the future she deserved? No, this was not the right man for their princess.
But when Derrick’s fingers tickled the ivories Bella danced and sang so beautifully he would take on all of Europe for the honor of having her for his wife. Bella was more practical, suggesting they steal away for a wedding and then there would be no choice for her family but to accept the union.
Derrick checked his watch for the umpteenth time and saw she was tardy by fifteen minutes now. If she arrived at all it meant she’d had trouble. Bella was early to everything and he’d expected to see here here first.
Father stood with arms crossed, showing the universally recognized posture of someone unhappy with their child’s actions. He was not tired of mentoring his son, but wondering where the disconnect could be. There was a clear description of right and wrong, but his son seemed to push forward regardless.
“I thought we had an understanding about this. You are not to perform this kind of spell without my knowledge or supervision.”
“Yes, sir, I remember,” Neville answered, nodding his head rapidly in the affirmative.
“Then why?” Father asked.
“I didn’t. Father I cannot pronounce the words to this spell. My Latin teacher is trying to help me, but I cannot say all of the words you have taught me yet.”
“Hmmm. I see,” Father said rubbing his chin and allowing his eyes to dart toward the door of their home where his older child, a daughter named Hermione stood watching with a sneaky grin.
“Oh Hermione, could I see you out here for a moment?”
Perry tapped on his laptop in the back seat of the car as it rolled along on the deserted road. They were doing the bank heist in a different way than the robbers of the past. Once upon a time was the day when pistols ruled the west and robberies could be very bloody affairs. But this was the 21st century and convenience meant many things to many people.
In the front seat were the two guys considered the muscle of this crew. Freddy, the driver, kept checking the rear view mirror, first for any following cars and then intermittently at the computer genius still tapping on the laptop in the seat behind him. Freddy had mo love for the complex machines, thinking them some sort of current evil.
In the seat beside was the guy smart enough to know they needed technical help for this job. Ben was the one to recruit Perry. He turned less frequently to survey the young man’s work, but on this last turn saw a smile he knew meant good things.
“Yes?” Ben asked.
“You bet,” Perry said in his deep baritone voice. “Five point six mil split three ways!”
No one enjoys a crowded beach, with folks on top of you as you seek the peace and solitude offered by the ocean gently pounding the sand. As he thought about it, Charlie Floyd decided he would make a difference in the world by creating some unique method to enjoy the beach experience. In her youth, his wife was not nearly as trusting or adventuresome as now. But Charlie’s inventions had proved not only safe, but popular. She’d been able to quit her job as a waitress two decades before and enjoyed a life of luxury.
However, she still had an aversion to water dating back to an incident while still a teen. It took quite a lot of encouragement from her beloved for Maggie to nod her head ot this idea, but finally she agreed.
Bobbing in the ocean water Maggie had to admit it was a great idea.
“Ahoy there!” they heard to their left. Charlie slowly turned to see an annoying man from the hotel where they stayed making his way toward them on a kayak. Ht guy was in the middle of a never ending story about an invention last night when Charlie faked a phone call for his escape.
“Ah, I found you! I wanted to finish telling you about my idea. Hey, great idea, that thing, no one should interrupt us out here!”
“What’s that infernal noise?” Mr. Harper roared from his comfortable recliner where he settled to watch his weekly football game.
“It’s the new neighbor,” his wife replied. “Says he is going to play that contraption in the parade next Saturday.”
“I thought he was working for the animal shelter snuffing out the cats!” Harper shouted. “Someone needs to stop him, I can’t hear my game!”
“I’ll talk to him,” she said, wiping her hand son the apron around her waist.
Sixteen steps later she rapped gently on the door of her upstairs neighbor. She had to increase the severity of her knock for a third time to overcome the ear-assaulting noise emanating from the apartment.
“Oh, Mrs. Harper!” Evan said. “Oh no, I’m so sorry!”
“It’s fine dear, Harry just is having an issue hearing his game.”
“Well, I am trying to get my cat’s head out of there,” Evan said.
“Oh my, how did that happen?”
“She was chasing a mouse and it ran into that pipe,” Evan answered.
Sarah loved her garden more than anything in her life. She basically lived there in the warmer weather, toiling endlessly as she brought her blooms from seeds to stems to prize-winning blooms. Her garden was her life and her love. But she had a enemy threatening to ruin her happiness. Those annoying birds!
Her answer was a scarecrow modeled after her, with a dress no longer suitable for her lifestyle. She researched the best methods for repelling the birds and decided on a two pronged approach. She fitted her little doppleganger with a water jet and ear-piercing horn.
Her neighbor Herman leaned on their common fence watching her as she finished setting up her defense mechanism.
“I hope I don’t confuse you for her and start talking to it,” Herman said.
Not missing a beat, Sarah said, “Well, at least user her name, not mine.”
Miranda was a shrew. Richard declared it on the second day of their honeymoon in the Bordeaux section of France and since then all had been downhill. But today Miranda chose to sink to anew low. She knew her obsessive compulsive affected husband would be shoved over the edge by this prank. It was a simple idea, but clever as could be in her twisted noodle.
She googled the method, perfected the placement and hid out of sight to watch with glee.
Richard bounded down the stairs from the upper bed room and stopped cold on the last step. Miranda felt the glee swell in her heart because Richard would be so crazed by this simple trick. But Richard did something very uncharacteristic. He stepped forward and swigged all three glasses of wine without hesitation.
Miranda stood aghast at the failure of her trick. What she didn’t know was the classes Richard took to know how to hack her browsing history. For almost seven months now he was wise to her plans.